My Great Wall of Apartheid

How I feel seperated from everyone else

Published on April 29, 2004 By TARSIER In Personal Relationships

I have not logged on JU in what seems ages, which I feel a little guilty about. Therefore, I am writing this article to help explain my abscence.

I feel totally apart from everyone. No person has felt my soul in a way that has surprised or astounded me, except for maybe my parents because of my development in their household, which allowed them to understand me. Not only do people understand me, which everyone could say, but I am seperated from them, too. I have never felt close to anyone really, not even my friends. I have good friends that I like to hang out with and just live life with, for we have common interests and help eachother with the basic troubles of life that are with everyone, but me and my two friends who I have known since 2nd grade do not understand eachother. Other examples that I feel apart from are my School Community, Church Community, City Community(it's a little too big to know me so thats understandable), and even JU community. I have never really felt at home here, never knew what to say or who to bond with. I don't think that anyone here could really be a mentor or something to me, for I have my own apartheid( I mean appartness, not the South African meaning). I don't exactly know why I write this except for the fact that it might explain the very varied topics of the articles I write, because I cannot find my place.

I know, some of you probably think I am looking for pity, or to tell me that it's ok and that I am welcome, or maybe you weren't going to say anything like that, but the thing is that I am totally at peace for being this way, except for the fact that I might not get married and have children with a woman that I love with this attitude, but I don't think I can change the way I am and stay true to what I am taught. "Stay true to yourself," I am told. OK, I will. Ill try to, at least, for the self-discipline gene of my family on both sides seems to skip me.

I feel good to get that out of the way. This might be my last article so Goodbye to you all and thanks for the
interesting/inspiring times.

QED
Jay

Comments

dharmagrl

on Apr 29, 2004

I don't exactly know why I write this except for the fact that it might explain the very varied topics of the articles I write, because I cannot find my place.

Dude, that IS your place. THIS is your place. You don't have to "bond" with anyone, you don't have to BE anything in particular here...that's the beauty of it. You are who you are, and you're accepted for such. Please don't leave....

'Everything you need you already have. You are complete right now. You are a whole, total person, not an apprentice person on the way to some place else.'
-Wayne Dyer.

Darius Farrar

on Apr 29, 2004

I know exactly how you feel. I feel the same way about many of my friends, I just feel separated almost. However there is one really good friend I have that really understands me well, and that really serves to give me strength. It really stinks that you can't find such a person, but I truly wish you luck.

TARSIER

on Apr 29, 2004

Dharma, you are probably the only person who has consistently read my articles, and I thank you, but this isnt my place right now. Maybe whe I am more mature.

dharmagrl

on Apr 29, 2004

Will you at least email me and let me know how you're doing?
dharmagirl69@yahoo.com

TARSIER

on Apr 30, 2004

LOL, If i ever remember to, I might, but I doubt it. Just remember that Im doing well.

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